We Went to Give, But Instead Received So Much More in Return

I held her hand as the elevator navigated its way to the first floor. It was time for her to go back. Neither of us wanted to let go.

The Alzheimer's ward of any nursing home is one of the most depressing places one could ever visit. The people there are living in an alternate universe, complete with fantasies that can sometimes be unnerving. Not being recognized by your own mother, father, or sibling can be unbearable to some. Most stop visiting at all.

3....2....1. The elevator came to a complete stop. I felt her hand gently squeeze mine as the doors opened, revealing the stark white lobby before us. The attendant was already waiting down the hall to escort my new friend Lela to her room. 

Our time together was up.

After exiting the elevator, I leaned down to tell her how much I had enjoyed her company. As she listened, I felt her squeezing my hand tighter, her face contorted in deep thought. I couldn’t help wonder what she was thinking.

She tapped my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug. The force she used was surprising for such a frail body. She loosened her grip but made sure our faces we’re still eye level. Holding my gaze, she did the most unexpected thing of all...she spoke.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

I stood there, paralyzed in shock. Besides communicating with smiles and hand gestures, she’d barely said a word all day. The nurses said Lela’s Alzheimer's made it difficult for her to communicate with the outside world, forcing her to go days, sometimes weeks without speaking to anyone. 

What about to someone she’d never met? I asked. “Forget it,” they had said. 

Yet, for that moment in time, Lela proved them all wrong. She wasn’t a “hopeless case”. All she needed was for someone to show her that they cared. Even if that person happened to be a complete stranger.

Our eyes stayed locked for one more second before the attendant wheeled her away down the hall and disappeared around a corner. I stood there a minute longer, letting the weight of that moment crash over me. Tears welled up in my eyes.

The day had definitely not gone as planned. All the meticulous planning, pretty schedules, and sheer organization we were armed with had all evaporated the second we stepped foot into the John Knox nursing home. Everything felt like it was falling apart.

But as I stood there in that deserted hallway, reflecting on the events that ensued as a result, none of that initial chaos mattered.

I thought of the joy I saw in our new friend Ana’s face as Ala, Hadeel and Sundus played a high paced game of pictionary with her and others. She told us solemnly that at 90 years old, she expected “to die in this place.” But her face quickly brightened when she recounted how much fun she had with us today.

Or the amusement that filled our new friend John’s face as Mohammad and Imtiaz taught him how to play Connect Four for the first time. I remember glancing over to see how the game was going, instead finding them engrossed in a deep conversation....Connect Four was never really that interesting anyways.

The sound of Elizabeth, Saira, and Riazul’s laughter at our new friend Peggy’s sarcasm was still ringing in my ears. Her spunky personality definitely seemed like it was cultivated over a lifetime of traveling and interesting experiences. All that she needed to shine was an audience....and now that she had one, her face couldn’t be anymore radiant.

“Excuse me ma’am, are you lost?” 

The nurse’s voice echoing from the distance cut through my thoughts and brought me spinning back into reality. I hadn’t realized how long I had been standing in that hallway. I shook my head and slowly started walking back to the elevator.

Something Peggy had said earlier that day really stuck with me. “Never put something you could do today on hold. Ever,” she sighed. “Or you’ll end up sitting one day wondering if you had spent your days actually living your life or watching it being lived from a distance.”

SubhnaAllah, there’s one gift Allah (swt) gave so many of us that we often take for granted. We never think about it, even though we live it everyday. How we make use of this gift could possibly make or break our entire life.

That gift is youth.

Ali ibn Abi Talib (raddyah Allahu Anahu) once said, "Everyone who is taken by death asks for more time, while everyone who still has time makes excuses for procrastination.”

So many times we are tempted to push things to tomorrow. How often do we wonder, however, if there’s going to be a tomorrow? 

Or if we’re lucky enough to make it to old age inshaAllah, do we want to be among those who end up regretting a lifetime of not seizing opportunities as they came our way, those who are scratching their heads wondering, “What If?

Life was never meant to be put on hold. It was meant to be cherished. There’s a big difference between living and simply being alive.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "A servant of God will remain standing on the Day of Judgment until he is questioned about his (time on earth) and how he used it; about his knowledge and how he utilized it; about his wealth and from where he acquired it and in what (activities) he spent it; and about his body and how he used it." 

When you think about all the time we waste, its a scary thought, isn’t it? But subhanAllah, Allah would never test us with a challenge that we wouldn’t be able to handle. Its matter of realizing where we’re going wrong and making a change before it’s too late.

Being busy is a blessing, not a curse. It gives us a chance to fully live every moment of our life, because time, unlike anything else precious in the world, cannot be bought back with anything.

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you really are. Things go wrong so we can appreciate them when they’re right. Good things sometimes fall apart so better ones can fall together. It’s the divine scheme of things that makes living so absolutely invigorating. 

I felt a smile creeping upon my lips as I watched the elevator doors starting to close. There was only one word left on my mind:

Alhamdulilah.

Sarah Kassem

University of Florida

Muslim Youth for Truth Co-Founder

   

The Golden Rule: Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated

In the name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

If one were to imagine a 'perfect world,' coexistence would be a paramount element. If people could eliminate any preconceived resentment that they held against a particular person/people in accordance to their race, religion, etc., the world would be a more pleasant place. Even though coexistence may seem like something imaginary, it is possible to attain a society where people legitimately live in peace. It goes without saying, that the three monotheistic religions all share the common principle of "doing to others what you want done to you." 

In Islam, the aspect of coexistence is very significant as we see in the following verse of the Qur'an: "O mankind! We created you out of a single pair of male and female, and We made you into different nations and tribes so that you may get to know and love one another. Not that you may despise each other. Surely, the greatest of you in the eyes of God is the most righteous." [49:13] In an ancient conversation regarding Judaism, someone asked for the explanation of the religion [in the time it took them to stand on one leg]… the response given was: "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow..." In a verse from the Bible it is said: “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you…” [Luke 6:27]

The parallel that can be drawn is that all three religions regard the treating of others as imperative matters. Neither religion creates special exceptions how to treat people, but instead the address of being good to your neighbor is applicable to all of humanity. Although this commonality of kindness is apparent in each of the main religions, I want to focus more directly on two of them. Judaism and Islam. The reason I bring up Judaism is because unfortunately when Muslims think of Jews- hateful stereotypes penetrate into their minds' and pierce their hearts'.

Being a Palestinian Muslim, I identify with the frustration and hurt that is felt… Similarly, I understand that the same feelings are felt on the opposite side in regards to the Jews. However, unlike many Palestinians I am also somewhat exposed to the other side. One of my closest friends since childhood, who lived in the next neighborhood is Jewish. Right down the street from me lives a Jewish family; an Israeli family. They are, by far, and without doubt some of the best and most genuine people I know. One thing about America, is that because it is "a melting pot" it allows a person to be separated from their people without loosing their identity or beliefs. In America, people who would normally throw stones or missiles at each other, can come together in authentic harmony and share a life of friendship together [without the contamination of a conflict. etc.] In America, the beauty of coexistence can flourish. 

I choose to coexist with my neighbors because Islamically, they have that right upon me, and out of the sincere kindness they've shown me and my family, I owe them that much. Whether the piece of land between Egypt, Jordan, and the Mediterranean is called Palestine or Israel, the inhabitants: Muslim, Christian, or Jewish can still find a way to live peacefully like they did for hundreds of years under the Ottoman Empire and in so many other places. 

As continual as it sounds, the first step to a permanent coexistence has to come from within your heart. If you are fully capable of truly accepting and loving another human being for the sake of pleasing God, without holding a prejudice against them for any particular reason [ie. religion, political views, color of skin] then you can honestly declare that you coexist with others. If not, you should evaluate your heart because in an authentic saying of the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) it was said that: "God does not show mercy to those who aren't merciful to others." This is only a reminder to myself before anyone else. I ask God to make us amongst the righteous: those who easily forgive the people who wrong them, and those who are intent on loving one another for His sake only. Ameen.


Malak Fakhoury
Vanguard High
Muslim Youth for Truth Contributer

Everyone has a Story: Beauty or the Beast: My Quest to Find the Real Me

What is Beauty? To a model, beauty may be having a certain body type. Beauty from a doctor’s point of view  could be to the ability to help other people in their time of need. To a writer, beauty could be the crafting of words to convey a message. To a painter, beauty might mean the ability to convey a feeling through an image. From a reader’s perspective, beauty could be the way writing captivates imagination. There are many different ways human beings view beauty.  What way is the best way to view beauty you ask? I can’t answer that question—that is a question you have to answer yourself. One thing I can tell you is how to not view beauty. We all face struggles in life—and it was through these struggles that I learned what beauty really is. I know for a fact that I am not the only human that endures hardship in life. That being said, I am not writing this to be praised or recognized. I am writing this for the sake of Allah (SWT), in the hopes of bringing light to a topic that is not really discussed.  I also know that I am not alone in what I faced. I hope that I am the voice for everyone that has never had the courage to say anything about it. I debated for many days whether or not I should make this story anonymous—I decided not to. I want everyone who reads this to know that this story is real.  And what better way to do that than to reveal my identity?

  

I remember it like it was yesterday. 

           

 I was in a square desk all to myself, as the rest of my classmates arranged their desks in a circle. I got out of my desk to move it into the circle because we were about to read a chapter in American History.  As I was moving my desk, someone yelped:“Oh my goodness Sundus your nose is so big! Hahah, you look just like Toucan Sam!”. My heartbeat raced and my hands started to shake. What could I possibly answer back to such a statement? My nose certainly is not small, so I could not tell this person that he/she is lying. I decided I would ignore his/her statement. As I ignored the hurtful comments, they only got worse. Now, I had almost everyone in the class making fun of my nose in some way. This was no longer a joke, I went home everyday crying. I hated the way I looked, and I wanted nothing more than for people to accept me. But they never did. The teasing got so bad that I finally decided to stick up for myself. I remember saying:“What you are saying to me is not nice, please stop”. Little did I know that by saying this, I would get made fun of even more. The people that made fun of me  said in a very sarcastic tone:“ Oh Sundus says it’s not nice, like we care !”

                                     

When this happened to me, I was very young, and it was very hard for me to  deal with. It is one thing to be made fun of by a couple of class bullies occasionally, but it was not like that for me. Practically everyone in the class made fun of me every day.  I heard that I was ugly because of my nose so often that I started to believe it. For two years straight, I was made fun of by more than half of the class.  When I looked in the mirror, I would examine my nose for long periods of time asking myself whether or not something really was wrong with the way I looked. My thoughts were consumed with the “so-called” flaw my peers pointed out to me. As I got older, the teasing stopped. People were still pointing out others “flaws”, but I guess they didn’t bother pointing out mine anymore because they did it so much that it was an old story. 

Even though the bullying stopped, I was still self-conscious about my nose and image in general. And how could I not be? I was teased for two years straight everyday! Many life experiences helped me see past what my peers said were my “flaws”. The experience that helped me the most was when my sister Layla had to have a brain surgery in the middle of the night. Her shunt was no longer working properly, and she had to have a new shunt put in. I stayed up all night with my family in the waiting room, awaiting the results. As I sat in the waiting room, I thought about my life. I thought about how my sister might not survive. I thought about how close death is to everyone, even though I was not the one having the surgery. Death is not always expected, just as my sister’s surgery was not planned. 

As everyone waited in the waiting room, I walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror like always, but this time, something was different. Tears started to flow from my eyes as I stared into my reflection. Why would I spend one more second thinking about the way I looked when it would never benefit me?  How could I criticize my nose when there are some people that wished they even had a nose because they were born without one? This time, when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself as an ugly girl with a messed up nose. I saw a servant of Allah (SWT), and it was then—and only then –then that I was truly happy to look in the mirror. I saw my physical features as the creation of Allah (SWT), and I could never be upset with the way he created me.  From that day on, it never bothered me in the slightest when someone made an offensive comment towards my appearance. 

 When I was younger and made fun of often, I wanted nothing more than to change who I was so that the people who made fun of me would accept me. I remember  making Duaa to Allah(SWT), asking him why he gave me a different nose ,and why so many of the people that I thought were my friends would make fun of me. It was not until many years later that I got the answer to my Duaa-- this life is not about being accepted by other people, but it is about gaining acceptance from Allah (SWT).

 At the time I was being teased, I thought it would be the greatest thing in the world to get plastic surgery to change my nose so that I would be accepted.  But Allah (SWT) knew what was best for me, and he didn’t give me plastic surgery. Allah (SWT) did not give me the acceptance that I longed to have for so long. What Allah(SWT) gave me was so much better than what I wanted. Allah (SWT) gave me the ability to see beauty in all of his creation. He gave me the wisdom to realize that no one is worth pleasing except for him. 

Many people have had to deal with bullying – even in the Muslim community. What happened to me is not a unique story. If you are being teased or you know someone who is being teased, then please do something about it. We don’t realize how much the demeaning statements can hurt someone until we are victims of them.  As for the people that made fun of me, I have nothing against any of them. I know that when this happened, they were young and unaware of how what they did would hurt me. Many of them apologized to me years later, and I accepted the apology. If I made a similar mistake, I would want someone to forgive me as well. I do not blame any of them, because I know they did not intentionally hurt my feelings.

                                             

 I did not write this to receive praise, sympathy, empathy or recognition. Please, hold your “ Thanks” and “ You are such a good person” comments. I wrote this with the intention of pleasing Allah (SWT) . Without Allah(SWT) guiding me, I would have never realized all of the beauties of life that cannot be seen. It would be wrong for me to say that I realized all of these things on my own, because I did not.

 If we want to find beauty, we must remember the simple things that we sometimes overlook. This is a reminder to myself before anyone else.

Beauty is the love for Allah (SWT) that fills my heart when I am making sujood.   Beauty is the laughter I share with my father when he tells me a funny joke. Beauty is when my sister shows me how to be content with little. Beauty is serving Allah (SWT). Beauty is when my little brother whispers in my ear that he loves having me as a sister. Beauty is when I chase Sara Samaha down the beach with a sand-ball in my hand prepared to throw at her . Beauty is when my mother hugs me tightly before I leave to class. Beauty is strong character. Beauty is the recitation of the Quran. Beauty is the Masjid on Eid.

                       

 I know from personal experience that it is not easy to see beauty beyond appearance. But it is possible. Once you find beauty beyond what your eyes can see, you will never look at things the same again.

Literally.

Sundus Alsharif

Hillsborough Community College

Muslim Youth for Truth Contributer

Everyone has a Story: Elizabeth's Journey to Becoming Muslim

     I’ll start by saying that practically everyone in my family is of a different religion. Prior to converting to Islam, I called myself an Agnostic, along with my mother and older sister. All I knew was that I believed in God and everything else was product of man. I wasn’t even looking for a religion to convert to when I found Islam; I was perfectly happy as an Agnostic. During my junior year in high school, I had my first boyfriend who just so happened to be the only Muslim in town (it was a very small town). I knew he was Muslim but I had no idea what that was or meant. Meanwhile, I had a job at a hotel working nights and whenever I had a free chance I would get lost looking at all the information there was on Islam on the internet. I learned so much that it overwhelmed me at first. The only reason I ever looked any of this stuff up was to learn exactly what my current boyfriend believed in. I thought it was ridiculous for me to be so close to someone and not know their morals and beliefs. However, after a few weeks of doing research, I told him what I had learned and he was dumbfounded merely because none of his other girlfriends ever made the effort to do this. He was my first (and only) boyfriend I had, so I thought it was only normal for me to do this: apparently not. In any case, he was extremely supportive of me learning about Islam and he would further my interest by telling me things I hadn’t learned yet. It was at this point I gave up pork and alcohol forever, although I did not drink alcohol prior to this for personal reasons. 
      

    A few months after researching Islam, it was Ramadan, and my boyfriend had told me it was totally up to me if I wanted to fast, so I did. It was very hard the first few days because I was working and had school, but I got through it alhumdillilah. All my friends and family knew I was reading up on this new religion and fully supported me. In fact, I was able to give them some helpful information about it that many don’t realize: such as the fact that it is NOT polytheistic and actually stems from Christianity and Judaism. These were primarily the main misconceptions. During my first Ramadan I was given an English Qur’an and began reading it as well as highlighting certain phrases that stuck out to me. 
     

   During my first semester of college I took an Intro to Islam course that was taught by a convert. This course was incredibly interesting to me and since the class was often quizzed on Arabic words, it forced me to learn them and become familiar with them. I enjoyed the professor’s teaching so much that I am currently taking my fourth class with her. This class gave me so much knowledge on the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, and others, as well as the history behind Islam. This class made me realize Arabic is a big part of being a Muslim; therefore, I decided I needed to take Arabic before my conversion.
     

    It would be two years later that I would get into an Arabic class. Although I took so many Islam courses to pass the time in college, I had a better understanding of Islam than some Muslims I knew. Not to mention, every Ramadan, YouTube was my best friend. I would listen to so many young people talk about their conversion process and how they are enjoying their lives now. One main problem in my life that kept me from becoming Muslim was in fact the person that brought it into my life: my boyfriend. I knew I couldn’t date someone after saying my Shahadah, nor would I want to, but at this point in our three and a half year relationship, it was too hard to break up with someone you loved and spent every day with. 
      
   During the summer of 2009 I had a hard course load and could not work that much, and without my scholarships, I had a hard time paying bills. This took its toll on me physically and mentally. I had accumulated so much anxiety I had to see a doctor because my parents were getting worried about me. It was as if the stress of life was getting too hard and my relationship with my boyfriend was getting worse and worse because of anxiety. I realized once Ramadan started that’s what was missing from my life, Islam. It had been probably a year since I had taken an Islam course, so I figured I needed Islam back in my life.

     The beginning of my 3^rd year in college, just a few months ago as a matter of fact, it was three days until Eid al-Fitr.  I came home from work and my boyfriend told me he wanted to break up with me because he felt it was wrong for us to continue a relationship. I completely agreed and understood this to mean we were still on our path to getting married in the future.  So the next day at work, I realized that I am enrolled in an Arabic class and have no boyfriend; therefore I had nothing holding me back. I told a Muslim lady I worked with and that I feel its time for me to convert soon. She immediately suggested I convert on Eid in front of the entire congregation. This was NOT what I had in mind. I was thinking more private with just Muslimas but she had convinced me that it was an honor to witness someone say their Shahada, so I figured, who was I to take that away from the men?  That night, my friend at work gave me clothes to wear as well as a hijab, or headscarf, and made all the arrangements with the Imam. All I had to do was show up.

       When I get there with my friend the morning of Eid I cannot stop crying. At the time I felt so foolish because here are all these Muslim women looking at me like I’m crazy.  I told my friend I didn’t think I could get through the Shahadah without crying. I had made it a point that I would never speak the words of the Shahadah even in a whisper because I believed those words were saved for the day I converted, so when everyone told me to practice, I firmly said no.  But when the time came to say it, I spoke clearly and without any sniffles. Shukran Allah. However, the rest of the time I was back to crying. It was an amazing feeling though. Everyone hugged me and congratulated me. Some of my Muslim classmates were there, as well as my Islam professor.

      The rest of the day did not go as smoothly as it should have. My now ex-boyfriend decided that this was the day he was going to tell me we had no future together; that he no longer loved me. This made me fall into a very deep depression that I’m now glad to say it was thanks to Allah I am still here. My determination to prayer was the only thing keeping me from the dark. For two months I lived like a hermit and didn’t bother to meet my fellow Muslim sisters or go to any Islam meetings. I felt too alone. 
     
   November was my saving grace. A young girl in one of my Islam classes introduced me to some Muslim girls that were on the Executive board of Islam on Campus. They took me to my first Jumaah on campus and out to eat later that night. Just their company alone meant so much to me. Later I was invited to a Halaqa where I met other Muslim girls and began friendships with many of them. In fact, the person who asked me to write this blog is one of those people who has no idea how much her kind words kept me out of the dark and on the road to living life as a proud Muslim convert. I am currently extremely happy I converted and am so thankful to Allah for giving me such wonderful friends.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

                                                        -Plato


Elizabeth Wood
University of Florida
Muslim Youth for Truth Contributer

"My friends made me do it." How to deal with peer pressure and getting the courage to finally say NO.

When you hear the words peer pressure, what comes to mind?

Defined straight from Webster’s Dictionary, peer pressure means “influence of one’s friends on morals”. That being said, peer pressure can be both positive and negative. However, I am going to discuss the negative sides of peer pressure in the Muslim community. In addition to looking at the dark side of peer pressure, we will explore how to avoid peer pressure and what to do if you have already endured peer pressure. 

From the outside looking in, it is so easy for all of us to look at our Muslim friends that are engaging in haram activities as “bad” or “sinful”. But what we fail to understand is that our friends did not end up this way overnight. They did not just wake up and say “Today, I feel like displeasing Allah (SWT)”. Changes in behavior, whether they are beneficial or malignant, take time. I remember reading somewhere that shaytan whispers to people to engage in small sins first, then he works his way up to the larger sins. This is a very dangerous tactic. In our minds, it is only a small sin, right? But to shaytan, and some of our friends, it is a plan that leads us to bigger sins. 

The best way to avoid peer pressure is to avoid any situation that makes it easy for haram activities to occur. What do I mean by this? If you are invited to a party by people that are known to drink, and you think / know there is going to be the consumption of alcoholic drinks there, simply do not go. Come up with an excuse as to why you cannot go. If you keep making excuses and not showing up, the people inviting you will eventually get the message in a kind way that you do not want to be around risky environments. Even if you think you can handle going to a party where risky behavior is going on, there are no guarantees. Once you are in that situation, it does not matter how religious you are. It does not matter how much Quran you have memorized, or how many Sunnah prayers you make. Human nature is human nature. Which is perfectly illustrated when we see the most religious family turn out to have kids that are addicted to drugs, partying, and more. This could happen to anyone, and it does not happen over night. I am not saying you will be able to avoid every situation that could lead to haram. Why that would be impossible! All I am saying is that it is essential we avoid all the situations that could lead to haram as we can. That way, if we have to battle one or two situations every once and a while, it would not be as difficult as avoiding that situation every time you have an outing with friends. 

Now that I have discussed how to avoid peer pressure, it is imperative we look at what to do if you have already given into negative peer pressure. If you have already been affected by peer pressure, the first step is recognizing it. Most people that have been affected by peer pressure do not even realize it. Or, they convince themselves that they are doing these haram activities out of their own wishes, and that other people have nothing to do with it. The question you must ask yourself is, “If I was living alone on Earth, only with the purpose of serving Allah (SWT), would I be engaging in this haram activity? Anyone that is a true Muslim would answer no to that. We all want to please Allah (SWT) and have the reward of the hereafter. 

The second step is having patience when making change. As I said earlier, the changes made in life happen over a span of time. None of us makes a change completely correct after the first attempt. Change at a pace that you are doing something, but not too slow that nothing gets done. A quote I find really helpful for destroying habits is “There is no need to fight old habits. Start new ones. It is the resisting of an old habit that puts you in that trench. Starting a new pattern is easy when done with childlike disregard for imagined difficulties. You can prove this to yourself by your own experience.”- W. Timothy Gallwey. 


The third step is making the change for Allah (SWT) only. When you try to change for your parents, friends, or strangers on the street, the change does not last. The reason it does not last is because those people are not always with you. If you are changing for other people, you will go back to your old ways as soon as no one is looking. This is between you and Allah (SWT), no one else. Making a change can be difficult. Not only do you have to deal with the personal struggle between you and Allah (SWT), but you also have to deal with what everyone else says about you. You have to deal with people scorning, saying things like “Oh so you want to change now, after all of the bad things you have done?!!!” You have to deal with saying goodbye to your friends that used to put you into haram situations. The way to deal with it is to focus on you. People are going to make hurtful comments, especially if they are not following the way of the prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Remember, this is not about them. It is about following Allah (SWT), and trying to make new, Islamic choices. And maybe, just maybe, you will stumble upon some people that know how to give advice islamically. If you do, hold on to them. It is rare to find a person that gives advice with gentleness, which is what we all need in times when we are engaging in haram activity.

 Before you think you are alone, remember, this could have happened to anyone. Even if we all are not facing your problems exactly, we are all struggling in this religion to obey Allah(SWT). 

But it is something worth struggling for.

Anonymous Contributor