Let’s just say, this isn’t preaching because that’s not me, nor am I anywhere near any level to preach even if I wanted to lol. If you know me well enough , then you know I’m a pretty outspoken person, with an “I call them as I see them” mentality- the last person to judge, the first to care and give advice.
Some have taken it off, and I’ve heard many reasons ranging from “I was never ready”, to “I did it for someone else not Allah”, to “my hijab is making me go bald so the doctor told me not to wear it”. I’ve heard it all, however, all the reasons you give people don’t matter ,because hijab was never something between you and other people.
But it is something between you and Allah...
As I said, I don’t judge, I don’t really care if you wear hijab, if you don’t, if you took it off, whatever. It doesn’t affect my life ,and I'll never be in your shoes to experience what you go through from your perspective . I’ll never know why you do what you do, hence why I don’t judge, and don’t care.
Then what’s my point ?
I just want to get down to some issues that some girls wearing hijab encounter... People sometimes don’t want to talk about them because they feel guilty for questioning a decision they already made, but I mean if you don’t talk about it ,how are you ever going to find ways to amend your insecurities? Now mind you, mashaAllah, you may be reading this and feel like "well I never think about those things, I don’t feel like that, I’m perfectly content, and I never have a doubt" . Then more power to you my friend, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’Ala has blessed you in this particular aspect more than some of the rest of us.
Here you are, a young college girl in America wearing hijab. Most of my friends are in Florida, and we're constantly surrounded by girls in really short shorts, and low-cut tops. The thoughts that cross your mind are...
1. "Wearing hijab makes me feel less pretty; I'm so much prettier with my hair out, and so much better looking than the rest of those chicks people are flipping out over" Well ya duhhhhh, that’s what hijab is for, to conceal your beauty. To leave you humble and modest, so people will not judge you based on your physical appearance. We sometimes over look this nifty little fact, only remembering the "hijab is mandatory" part ,and don’t think about why. Let us be honest now, this is all vanity and human nature to compete and want to be the best [looking, in this case] .
2. "Wearing hijab makes me less confident"
This relates to point number one, when you’re saying this, you really feel that because hijab doesn’t show off your physical beauty as much(making you feel ugly) , you’re not as not confident . Refer back to #1, in order to amend the "I feel ugly" thought ,and then let me spin your perspective on this whole confidence thing anyways.... Who is more confident? The brunette in shorts who walks into class late, but no one even gives her a second glance cause she blends in, or the hijabi who walks in a few minutes after her? You see the heads turn towards her because she’s different. Let’s face it, she sticks out, and not necessarily in a bad way. A girl who wears hijab definitely isn’t dressed just like any other girl when its 100 degrees outside. People look, and they usually even remember you. Do you know how many times I’ve met people in classes and they’ve said to me "oh ya I’ve seen you around, I saw you walk in late the other day"... You ,my dear little hijabis, should feel confident because you’re not just a dime a dozen, and it always takes more confidence to stand out than to blend in—that’s just a fact of life. Use it to your advantage, not to make you feel isolated or belittled. At one point you chose to wear hijab because you knew it was right, so do not let the struggles or your vanity make you question your morals or decisions.
Furthermore, on the topic of confidence, if wearing hijab makes you feel less confident—then you’re never going to be truly confident, even without hijab. If it’s not one thing it’s another. If it’s not hijab covering your hair and body, then tomorrow it’s going to be your nose, face, stomach, height, and it’s always going to be something. This feeling of “ having no confidence because you wear hijab”, stems from a need to gain approval from others . It also stems from comparing yourself to others, which will still happen ,with or without hijab. There’s always going be someone prettier, taller, cuter, nicer, whatever-er, and that’s life . There’s also always someone uglier, meaner, fatter, etc lol .
3. "Hijab makes me feel like I don’t fit in"
I’ve heard girls say this before ,and sweetie, this is all how you choose to look at it .It is not hijab that makes you feel that way, it’s either your lack of confidence ,or because you’re trying to fit in somewhere you shouldn’t be. For example, do not complain that hijab makes you feel like you don’t fit in if you’re at the club ,grinding up on some random dude with a drink in your hand lol .... But seriously, there are some hijabis that are very abrasive, especially to non-Muslims ,and even towards Muslims.
And I don't understand why.
Yes as a hijabi ,you should behave with a certain manner, but you don’t have to sit there with a scowl on your face ,making people not want to approach you just ask a simple question. I have even had non-Muslim girls ask me why other hijabis they have encountered are so un-approachable, I’m just like “well that's just her personality, the rest of us have normal personalities” lol. Once you talk to people and they talk to you, you will start to see that hijab does serve its purpose, and you can get your point across without worrying that your looks are pushing you forward, or holding you back. Most people, especially people in college, are accepting, and if they aren’t, then they shouldn’t be people you care about fitting in with anyways...
4. "Mid- Hijab Crisis"
My last point, which maybe should have been my first, is what I've seen some girls go through and what I like to call a"mid-hijab crisis". Everyone knows what a mid-life crisis is, so you should be able to deduce what I'm implying. Many girls started covering when they were obligated to (i.e. when they reached puberty, or even slightly before). That means these girls started covering at the age of about oh say 12-ish.I don’t know about you guys, but at age 12 ,I had no concept of beauty ,vanity, wanting to look pretty, or any thoughts like that. Maybe I was slightly tom-boyish, and, quite possibly, this younger generation may start to think about these things earlier. Either way, I'm pretty sure that most girls my age who started covering when they were about 12, were like me, not concerned with how they dressed or looked or if they wore make up or did their hair and all that jazz. So, putting on hijab wasn’t even a big deal, other than that it making us a little hotter in the summers.... But, then you grow up, and your self-esteem hits the floor, making you realize that you want to look pretty, you want to do your hair, and you want to wear that short sleeved shirt! If nothing else you just want the EASINESS of not having to put on an undershirt or a jacket over everything because you get lazy or it’s too hard to match lol. Who hasn't walked into a store and been like “ I wish I could wear that?!” . You turn the corner just to see that other girl with her hair down looking so pretty ,and you know you could look just as good as her, maybe even better. If only you had your hair down too! This ,my friends, is your mid-hijab crisis. You've been wearing hijab for several years, and suddenly, you find yourself questioning it for silly vanity reasons. Once again, those reasons you suddenly give yourself, and that desire to impress others and outdo others are all just your need to win acceptance from other than Allah. Are you really willing to defy Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’Ala’s commands for other people? At the end of the day, at the very end of the day, who do you really want acceptance from? Sarah, Jim, Bob, and Sally?
Or Allah?
Never regret a decision you've made that is pleasing to Allah, even if you struggle to fulfill it. Remember that Allah compensates us for every struggle we encounter.
“Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.” — Ibn al-Qayyim
Reem Akel
Barry University
Muslim Youth For Truth Contributor
MashaAllah. May Allah empower our Muslim sisters, reward them immensely for their struggles, and make light their burdens. May He fortify them as the future mothers and leaders of this beautiful and blessed Ummah. Ameen.
ReplyDeleteawesome article.. Loved it! JazakAllah Khair
ReplyDeleteAs'salaam Alaikum, well I did not expect a commentary on the whims of girls or a looming crisis of vanity as your premise for a conversation on a concept that is more spiritual than about vanity. Identity struggles are a normal part of every human's life and for many wearing a scarf solidifies that identity as a "muslimah". But it's not ridiculous for a girl living in this era, in this country to question how she feels in her own skin. I understand your advice is mostly directed at girls who are already wearing a scarf but your "advice" seems to imply that if you do feel insecure about it's impact on you as a Muslim or just plain question the tradition you are giving in to vanity and silly "girl" tendencies. What about the hijab wearing girl who spends an hour finding the best matching scarf, pin, cap that best suits her and brings out her eyes, etc..isn't she also engaging in vanity to an extent? Or because it's now about a woman who is wearing a scarf, she's aiming to be "presentable" and approachable? I've been studying women in Islam for many years now I am definitely no scholar but almost always for some reason the conversation about modesty is diminished to a symbolic scarf on the head or the lewd gazes of the opposite sex. It's quite troublesome considering this religion is the most egalitarian in nature in comparison to others. Projecting male promiscuity onto the woman since her appearance is the "source" of fitnah has been a longstanding tradition in almost every religion. It's just easier to say that man's inherent nature compels him to look and there's nothing they can do about it rather than actually talk about the ethical code that is laid out in the Quran for both sexes. I wear a scarf and I respect all muslim women with or without one so this is in no way intended to insult their efforts at pleasing Allah (swt). It is simply a concern because my non-Muslim friend read this and was so turned off by the tone and underlying connotation that girls are so fickle...they just want to curl their hair and wear dresses all day. It's a very stereotypical assessment, which I understand is based on you and your friends' conversations but it makes these issues sound so endemic to the struggle of the muslim woman when there's so much more to a muslim woman's struggle. I think you do a grave injustice to the entire concept of modesty , and it's purpose of disciplining both sexes in their interactions. I don’t see how your conflicted friends could have benefitted from this by you saying "do it or you're just weak" because that is exactly what an outsider reading this interpreted it as.
ReplyDeleteApologies, it said post was too large the first few times so I tried to edit it out but I guess it published all of my tries! Whoops! Not sure if it will let me delete the first few ones but lol I'll leave that to you :)
ReplyDelete** not all Scholars, ALL Islamic schools of thought***
ReplyDeleteWa Alaikum As Salam! JazakAllahuKhair for your response!
ReplyDeleteI understand you did not expect a commentary on the whims of girls as a crisis, but , unfortunately, it is a crisis for many girls, who voice their opinions about their insecurities openly to other girls. This article is in no way assuming that all girls are like that, and if you believe so, then you should re-evaluate how you interpret the written word. English, like any other language , is limited in how much it can convey to a person , especially in this short article. It would be wrong to assume that hijab is just an “ identity crisis”, because it clearly is not. There are plenty of Muslim girls who don’t mind announcing to the world they are Muslim, but when it comes to wear hijab, they think it is outdated , or no longer required.
** Not all scholars , all of the major Islamic schools of thought***
ReplyDelete. I am no scholar, and only Allah (SWT) has knowledge, but ALL major schools of Islamic thought agree that Hijab is REQUIRED, it is WAJIB. It is not weird for a girl to question how she looks , and the author did not assume so, because if she did, I highly doubt she would have even addressed it in her article. EVERYONE has vanity to a certain degree, however, this article is discussing the type of vanity that leads someone to disobey Allah (SWT). If a person who spends an hour finding a matching scarf is wasting time ( which she clearly is), then SHE IS definitely engaging in vanity. MODESTY is not just about lowering the gaze or wearing a piece of cloth on your head, it is certainly also about manners and attitude towards others.
ReplyDeleteIf the Muslims do not exhibit ALL parts of modesty, then that is a cultural problem, and is no way something that you should be using to further your argument that the author believes Hijab is just about covering. JUST because that is all she discussed, doesn’t mean there isn’t more to this issue. THIS article was not about gender relations, and if it was, I am sure the author would agree that there is a certain “ethical” code that must be observed by both MEN & WOMEN. And, as much as I am sorry that your non-Muslim friend was turned off by the tone in this article, I CANNOT control others’ perceptions of issues or their interpretation of an article.
ReplyDeleteThe article in no way said “ do it or you’re weak”, quite to the contrary, it said “ you are not alone, and we can do this, if we realize we are MORE than our looks”. Once again, I cannot help you if you are interpreting the article in a different way than it was originally intended by the author.
ReplyDeletejzk, for this post. it made me feel so much better reading it...it was like i was literally reading the story of my life. the part that especially hit me was the "mid-hijab crisis". i was one of those girls that started wearing hijab at 12 yrs, and didn't think much of it, but now at 23, i just want to rip it off, and show everyone how beautiful i am. but i dont. it is a real struggle, especially living in this westernized society. its very frustrating, sometimes makes me sad, but i have to constantly remind myself why i wear hijab, and alh so far i haven't taken it off, and dont plan on it. but your post made me feel so much better, because now i know im not the only one feeling that way, i hope allah (sa) will reward us for our many struggles inshallah.
ReplyDeleteJazak'Allah khair for posting this Sister. Insha'Allah the sisters of our Ummah take heed and strengthen their Iman so that they no longer need to seek approval or appreciation from any source other than Allah, and that they stand firm in their beliefs. The brothers support your struggle.
ReplyDeleteThis is Reem, I wrote the article, after reading some of the comments I just wanted to clear a few things up.... I in no way meant it this to say "do it or you're weak" in fact the entire reason I wrote it initially as a FB note, was the opposite, to show that we do struggle but its okay, and I did write it playfully so that my friends could relate to it, I did not mean to come off as girls are fickle and only care about their looks, I am much more than that, as are most Muslim girls, but I was just approaching one of those elephants in the room that most Muslim girls think about and don't want to talk about, I apologize if a non-Muslim took it as otherwise, or if you think I belittled the struggles Muslim women encounter, clearly that was not my goal, but the scope of the article was a limited one, not all encompassing. And thank you to those who enjoyed it, inshallah it helps more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I was feeling today. Alhamdulilah , this made me feel so much better. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you sister <3
ReplyDeleteIf more people that write articles really concerned themselves with writing great content like you, more readers would be interested in their writings. Thank you for caring about your content.
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